Obedience, Union, and the Language of Relationship
- Serge Da Rosa
- Dec 20, 2025
- 4 min read
As I’ve been reflecting on the word “obedience”, I’ve noticed how uncomfortable it can feel once we begin to see our relationship with Christ through the lens of union rather than hierarchy.
Scripture describes our relationship with Christ as a marriage; a covenant of oneness, mutual belonging, and shared life. When obedience is framed as compliance, command, or performance, it creates a picture of marriage that feels deeply distorted. A marriage dependent on obedience to the other sounds less like love and more like control.
This raises an important question. Is obedience really the right word or at least, are we understanding it correctly?
“Obedience” in Scripture?
English translations of scripture use the word “obedience” several times. However, the biblical meaning behind the word is very different from how obedience is commonly understood in our culture today. The issue isn’t the word itself, but the assumptions we bring to it.
Most New Testament references to obedience come from the Greek word:
ὑπακοή (hypakoē)
This word is formed from two roots:
hypo – under
akoúō – to hear, to listen
Literally, hypakoē means:
“to hear relationally”
“to listen attentively”
“to respond because you have heard”
In its original sense, obedience is not about force, threat, or coercion. It is relational listening.
Biblical obedience is not blind compliance, fear-driven submission or rule-keeping to earn approval. It is attentive hearing, responsive relational trust, and alignment that flows from relationship.
This is not a rejection of the word obedience, but a restoration of its meaning.
Obedience as Response, Not Performance
In Scripture, obedience is always connected to revelation.
As Jesus said:
“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” (John 10:27)
And just a few verses earlier:
“A stranger they will not follow, but will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.” (John 10:5)
Notice the order Jesus gives. Hearing comes first. Following is the natural result. The sheep are not driven, threatened, or forced. They follow because they recognize a familiar voice.
This is not obedience rooted in fear, but relationship and knowing. The sheep respond to intimacy. Their safety and direction flow from knowing the Shepherd, not from mastering instructions.
In this light, obedience is not something demanded from a distance. It is the effortless response of those who live in union. Hearing shapes movement. Relationship produces alignment.
You don’t obey because you are afraid. You respond because you are a devoted bride in perfect union and alignment with your groom.
This reframes obedience as something that emerges from intimacy, not something demanded from a distance. It is the fruit of connection, not the requirement for acceptance.
Obedience and Union
When obedience is viewed through the lens of union, it begins to make sense.
Union implies shared life, shared direction and shared desire. In this context, obedience looks like harmony, alignment and movement together. It is a response to love with love.
This is why Scripture so often uses relational language instead of command-based language:
“abide”
“remain”
“walk in the Spirit”
“be led”
“follow”
None of these imply coercion. They all assume relationship and trust.
Marriage, Not Management
A healthy marriage does not function on threat or control. It functions on listening, mutual yielding, and shared vision.
In the same way, our life in Christ is not managed through obedience as control, but expressed through alignment born of oneness.
When obedience is seperate from union, it produces fear, anxiety, performance-based spirituality and distorted images of God.
When obedience is understood as hearing within union, it produces freedom, trust, transformation and effortless fruit. Not because we try harder but because we live from oneness.
A Better Way to Say It
Instead of saying, “We are called to obey Christ.” We might say, “We live from devoted union; a life shaped by hearing and responding to Love.”
In other words, what Scripture calls obedience is the fruit of intimacy, where hearing Him naturally shapes how we live.
Closing Reflection On Obedience
The problem was never the word “obedience”. The problem was redefining it outside of union.
When we restore obedience to its relational roots, it no longer contradicts marriage imagery, it confirms it. What flows from union will always look like alignment, not obligation.
This is not a lesser obedience. It is a deeper one. Because it begins not with command but with communion.
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By Serge Da Rosa
About the Author
Serge Da Rosa is co-founder of Urban Eden Community, a ministry dedicated to helping people discover their God-given identity and walk in the freedom of the new creation. Alongside his wife, Kristy, Serge facilitates weekly gatherings in Tulsa, Oklahoma that center around authentic connection, growth, and kingdom expression outside the walls of traditional religious systems.
Serge’s passion is to see people awakened to their union with God. Through weekly community gatherings, work in addiction recovery, community events, writing, teaching, and the Kings And Priests Podcast, he speaks into themes of identity, grace, purpose, kingdom and governance with clarity, depth, and hope.
Whether through a conversation, a gathering, or a written word, Serge’s message remains the same: You are in perfect union with God, empowered with God's Kingdom.
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